“Isn’t this nice?” said the Doctor, sitting down cross-legged on the patchwork blanket.
“I think it’s lovely,” said Caleb, brushing his hair back and rubbing his hands together.
“Wipe the smile off your face,” said Lilly, dumping the picnic basket down in front of the Doctor and Caleb and sitting herself on the grass with a thud.
“It’s not a crime to smile, Lilly,” said the Doctor.
Caleb grinned wider. “I think the universe could do better if it smiled more.”
“Urgh,” said Lilly, rolling her eyes at his optimism. “How can someone who’s lost his father and mother be so bloody cheerful?”
The smile disappeared.
The Doctor looked horrified. “Lilly!”
“Okay, okay, I’m sorry,” said Lilly, “but life isn’t all puppies and kittens and happy smiley people you know?”
“I know that,” said Caleb, “but it doesn’t mean that we can’t strive for it. After all, that’s what you’ve always wanted, isn’t it, uncle?”
The Doctor looked to Caleb and then nodded. “Oh yes, of course it is. It’s what I do this for. I like righting wrongs.”
“At the risk of this turning into a bad 1980’s sci-fi show, old man,” said Lilly, “do you mind if I eat? I’m starving.”
“Ooh, no, of course not, Lilly,” said the Doctor, rubbing his hands together.
“Hold on,” said Lilly, sighing deeply, “I’ve forgotten the drinks. Don’t start until I’m back. I’ll just get them.”
“Hold your horses, Caleb,” said the Doctor, holding a finger up. “Your stomach will have to wait.”
Caleb rolled his eyes.
Lilly got to her feet and walked back over to the TARDIS, which was parked under a low-hanging willow tree.
“Okay, Caleb, what’s wrong?” asked the Doctor.
“Nothing,” he said.
“Come on,” he said, looking at him. “Fellow Time Lord, remember? I can sense your moods.”
Caleb shook his head. “It’s her. Lilly. I’m just…I’m finding this hard.”
“Nobody said it would be easy.”
“I know that, but every day I put on a front. I try and make her feel welcome and that I enjoy her company, but she’s unbearable. She’s impossible. That incident with the ice cream….she’s unstable.”
“It’s her body’s way of adjusting, Caleb,” said the Doctor.
“But how much longer do we have to wait?” He rubbed his forehead. “We should go back to find my parents.”
“You know we can’t do that with Lilly in tow. We can’t let the Master take her, which is why we have to keep moving.”
“But she’s not settling down,” said Caleb. “How much longer do we wait?”
“Do you want to leave?” asked the Doctor. “Do you want to leave the TARDIS?”
Caleb was almost shocked at the directness of the question. “No,” he said, “it’s all I’ve ever wanted since before father and I went missing.”
“Then what is your solution?”
“I don’t have one,” he said dejectedly as Lilly emerged from the TARDIS carrying three plastic beakers and a bottle of lemonade.
“Then we must persevere,” said the Doctor, giving a little wave to Lilly. “In time you will adjust and she will adjust and it will all work out.”
Caleb nodded, but refused to meet the Doctors eyes.
“Nobody’s touched anything, have they?” asked Lilly, as she sat down and opened the bottle, pouring them a drink each.
“Not yet, but we were tempted, weren’t we, Caleb?” said the Doctor. When Caleb didn’t reply he nudged him.
“Oh, yeah, tempted. Definitely, sis,” said Caleb.
“Well,” said Lilly, opening the picnic basket, “tuck in.”
The Doctor and Caleb both looked into the picnic basket. Inside sat eight lonely cheese sandwiches wrapped in cling film. Caleb frowned and the Doctor looked a little sad.
“What’s up?” asked Lilly.
“Nothing, it’s fine,” said the Doctor.
“Just cheese sandwiches?” asked Caleb, as he pulled one out.
“Should there be something else?” asked Lilly.
“You’ve never been on a picnic before, have you?” asked the Doctor.
“I didn’t get much chance up in sunny old Scotland,” said Lilly, looking sad. “I thought sandwiches would be okay.”
“And they are,” said the Dsoctor, tucking into one of the squashed lumps of bread. “Mmmm.”
“Do you have any lettuce?” asked Caleb, peering into the basket and expecting it to magically appear.
“I’m sorry,” said Lilly.
“What for?” asked the Doctor.
“For everything. For how I am. For everything I do and say and all the mistakes I make.”
“None of us are perfect, Lilly,” said the Doctor, “and you have a huge amount of problems to work through.”
She rubbed her eyes and shook her head. “I used to dream that my life back in West Pilton was a nightmare and that one day I’d wake up. Except when I woke up nothing was better.”
“But surely it’s better than what happened there?”
“Physically, yes, but psychologically…” she exhaled and looked up to the skies, watching as a strange, blue bird with four eyes fluttered around in the branches. “I feel like a half-baked bit of bread. I’m not dough but I’m not bread. I’m a gooey mess in between.”
Caleb looked at her sadly. For the first time in a long time he was beginning to feel sorry for her. He’d gotten fed up of her rants and her outbursts, but this was something different. Lilly was so close to being complete, but she needed more time.
“Can you remember when we went to the Terrorcon Fault?” asked the Doctor. “Can you remember your wonderment at those colours and lights and shapes?”
Lilly looked at him and smiled at the memory. “There was a colour. A colour I’d never seen before. It blew my bloody mind.”
“That’s right,” said the Doctor. “But you were so happy. You were smiling the whole time we were there and just for once you’d forgotten about how bad things felt in your head.”
“I felt at peace,” said Lilly.
“It’s because you were doing something you always needed to do – you were exploring yourself.”
“I don’t understand,” said Lilly.
“What the Doctor is saying is that you need to let go of what you were and what you think you should be.”
“You’re not West Pilton,” said the Doctor, “and you are most definitely not the Master. You are Lilly. Not Illithia or Lilly Galloway. You’re Lilly.”
Caleb leaned forward. She was smiling. “Only when you let yourself be free of those titles will you be at peace with yourself.”
“It’s exactly what I did,” said the Doctor. He couldn’t help but smile at Lilly’s smile – something he had seen so rarely that he’d nearly forgotten what it looked like. “I wasn’t a boring old Time Lord confined to a single place and time. I was an explorer, an adventurer. So that’s what I became.”
Lilly had tears in her eyes as the little blue bird fluttered down and tweeted around her head. It wasn’t afraid of her at all. It was singing for her. She was reminded of an old animated film she saw at primary school all those years ago.
And then the smile faded as the bird drifted off back to its branches. The sun became obscured by some large, fluffy clouds. The meadow by the lake seemed a little more sinister without the golden sunlight shining on it.s
“You okay?” asked Caleb.
“I understand everything you’re saying,” said Lilly, her face looking stony again. “So if I understand everything you’re saying then why do I still feel the urge to hurt you, Caleb?”
Neither the Doctor nor Caleb responded. They had become so close to breaking through to her. Instead the three of them sat in silence and finished off their picnic.
Not long after, they departed. With the TARDIS dematerializing from the meadow, the blue bird began to sing again and the sun re-emerged from behind the cloud.
But on board the time machine the darkness was about to rear its head again and Caleb was about to feel its force.
The End
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